Last Thursday, 18 April 2013, I began Phase 2 of my lifestyle changes. That doesn't sound quite right anymore, but 'physical transformation' just sounds a bit up myself! Let me explain.
In September 2011 I was given a diagnosis that, while not serious and life threatening in itself could lead to increased risk of heart disease, stroke, diabetes, and so much more. Prior to this I had another non-serious but future-complications diagnosis that whilst being treated daily is a bit of a pain in the backside. I've also suffered from ongoing back pain since I was 21, because of which I can no longer take paracetemol thanks to impaired liver function likely caused (or worsened) by the long term use of prescription analgesics. Finally, for as long as I can remember I've had high blood pressure, though thankfully not enough to be medicated.
So I sat there in September 2011 being told I had PCOS. There was nothing my GP could give me to improve the symptoms (high blood pressure). There was nothing that could be done to just get rid of it entirely (childbearing age). The only thing he could suggest was to lose some weight. Well, okay I'd been here plenty of times before and I was used to hearing those words. Every other time I would say, "Yes, okay" but do nothing about it.
Today was different.
Today I was told it could stop me having children.
That was the fork in the road, my lightbulb moment, and in a split second I knew I couldn't continue as I had been; expanding more and more with each passing day and accepting this was how it was going to be for the rest of my days. No. Not anymore.
So I asked my doctor for help. The weight that lifted from my shoulders in that moment was immense.
What followed was perhaps to some a bit obsessive, but it worked. In the first six months I was helped along with Orlistat; the little blue pills that stop you absorbing a third of your fat intake. If you eat too much fat the consequences are unpleasant to say the least (that fat needs to go somewhere and it doesn't wait!). So I took the little blue pills and ignored calories, instead becoming obsessive over fat in food. The weight started to disappear. I did everything I could think of to keep my motivation up; a spreadsheet with graphs and tables charting my progression of lost weight and inches, a photo once a week so I could look back over them when I was feeling down, and I actually looked forward to my check-up with my doctor. Even he couldn't believe how well I was doing.
Eventually, with the help of a gym membership and energy I forgot existed, I lost 6 1/2 stone, and that's more or less where I've stayed since November 2012.
Until now.
Now begins Phase 2.
Why am I telling you? I think perhaps because I know I need something else to help keep me going. I now have an exercise chart on my wall with lovely bright stickers for swimming, walking and cycling. Each day that I stay strong-willed and eat and exercise well, I put 50p in a jar. When I reach my target weight I'm allowed to spend the accumulated cash on absolutely anything. Anything! I've started my spreadsheet again but I'm treating it as a whole new episode, and instead of seeing everything I achieved previously, I only see from last Thursday (because otherwise I also see the non-movement of 5 months wasted time). Today my new salad lunchbox arrived and I'm so excited to use it; this is what I've become again. Obsessive. But this is how I need to do it, otherwise I'll slip back and I'm terrified of where that will take me.
So there's the 'Confession' out of the way, but why 'Inspiration'? It's simple, really. I'm trying to convince myself of the thing other people say about me. I can't begin to tell you how many times that word has been used about and to me in the past year. Friends and colleagues have said it, complete strangers at work and in production companies have said it, and I don't believe it.
I know that perhaps the rest of this post reads as though I do believe, but really I'm just giving you facts. No embellishments or anecdotes, just facts.
It wasn't long ago when I was having a bad time emotionally, and I came to a point where I knew I wanted to help people. I don't know how from one day to the next, I only know that I want to make a difference to someone, somewhere.
I've had so many people giving me fantastic compliments in the last year, and this is me trying to believe them. I don't feel like I'm an inspiration to anyone, but I'd like to feel it. In the meantime I've decided instead to act as though I believe it in the hope that perhaps one day it will stick.
So...
September 2011:
I'm Kirsty. I'm addicted to bad food and awful habits. I weigh 22 1/2 stone. I probably caused (or added to) everything that's medically wrong with me because of it; PCOS, sleep apnoea, back pain, impaired liver function, high blood pressure. I know I'll end up with diabetes, it's no longer an 'IF'.
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| 12 November 2011 Five weeks after I started the changes; I'd already lost 9lbs by this time |
I'm Kirsty. I eat healthily and exercise regularly. I weigh 16 stone. I can walk up a flight of stairs without gasping for breath. I've significantly improved the symptoms of PCOS and sleep apnoea (and one day I might be able to lose the CPAP!), my back pain is mostly just a small niggle, my blood pressure has come down.
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| 10 November 2012 6 and a half stone gone, more still to go but ever so tired. |
April 2013:
I'm Kirsty. I had a bout of laziness and demotivation but I'm back and fighting. I weigh 16 stone 5lbs, but by the end of the year that will be down to 12. I will now run up flights of stairs and put my new pedometer to good use. I will stop making excuses and just get on with it. I will take that stash of 50p's at the end of the year and treat myself to something special. I will do my best to stay motivated, and I'll ask you for help when I feel it start to disappear.
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| 22 April 2013 Here we go again! |
I'll do this, not because I know I can but because I know I have to; for me, for my family, and just because I'm such a stubborn cow that it would hurt me too badly not to win!
As for the 'inspirational' stuff; if I can do it, anyone can! Ask my friends and family, they'll tell you. I'm sure even they thought I was beyond hope.
I wasted too many years of my life wishing I could be someone else. Now I'm becoming the person I always wanted to be, and yes it's hard work but it's worth every second. I'm only sorry it took me so long to believe I had the strength.
So my only question left is this:
Who do you want to be?
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