Record-breaking smiles!

It's difficult to know where to start with this post.  So many lovely, happy, positive things have happened recently.  I probably should have written a list, but in all the fun I forgot.  Me.  I forgot to write a list.  Whatever is the world coming to?!

Well, apparently it's coming to a bright new shiny place, and it's all coming from people with big hearts, vivid imaginations, energy, drive and a love of the places and people who surround them.

A couple of hours ago I collapsed on the sofa at home with aching feet, a complaining back and a fabulous feeling that I know will stay with me for a long time to come.  Today was the day that Stockton on Tees attempted three world records.  That's three.  World records.  The sun shone, the crowds came and people stood up to be counted, just as their marshmallows and bounces were counted too.  Twice.  And filmed.  And photographed.  And cheered, chanted and clapped.

I can say hand on heart that my appetite for pizza, having watched so many people try to eat one as quickly as possible, has diminished substantially.  Having eaten a marshmallow from the leftovers, once everyone had finished their attempts to eat the most in one minute, I was relieved I didn't put my own name down for the challenge.  I could barely finish one.  How the day's record of 14 was achieved, I have no idea!  I can safely say that I've never had a burning desire to bounce on a spacehopper over a line as many times as I could in one minute, but congratulations to all who tried, especially for the couple who'd already speed-eaten a 12” pizza!  No, bouncing on a spacehopper isn't for me.  You can keep the spacehopper.

Stockton came close to having a record broken today, but for the moment it just isn't meant to be.  A little practice for next time and I'm certain someone will crack it!

So what about the rest of the fun and frolics?  Last night saw Preston Park stage a huge picnic, complete with Beatlemania (a great tribute band who actually made me appreciate their music more than I had previously), and the ever-energetic and infectious Wildcats of Kilkenny who stirred up the crowd into a dancing, bouncing, singing throng of happiness.  One of my friends commented on the way home that it was so lovely just to sit with a picnic, surrounded by so many other people doing the same, enjoying the pleasant weather, company and lovely food.  The music was a bonus; she would have been happy even without the music to entertain us.  I suspect, however, that my bouncing and dancing kept her plenty entertained!

When I think back to last night's picnic I realise I didn't, in a crowd of more than 1000 people, hear of or witness any problems.  No fights or arguments, no shows of ego or bravado, just enjoyment of the here and now with the people they love.  There were Stockman Pies from the mighty and mightily fine Matty's Bistro (the best my friend has tasted, no less!).  There was Oxbridge Wildcat Real Ale, I believe brewed especially for the event (but feel free to correct me).  There was even some swapping of home-baked pie and tart à la the Great British Bake Off!

It's safe to say the picnic was a huge success, and just added to the feeling that's brewing up in and around Stockton on Tees.  It's something positive and addictive, and I sense that the people who are inflicted with this fabulous shift of outlook are embracing it and passing it on to the people who surround them.

Myself, personally, I've had so many things for which I can be thankful.  It's easy to overlook the good and focus on the bad, to dwell on what we no longer have instead of enjoying what's right there in front of us and surrounding us in the here and now.  I'm as guilty of doing that as my next door neighbour, the bloke who takes my money for petrol, or even the optician who helped me choose my new glasses.  I know when negativity begins to take over, but now I'm better equipped to deal with those moments quickly.  I can do that in no small way thanks to friends, old and new.  They help to pick me up and to make me see what's fabulous in my life.  Most of the time they don't even realise they're doing it, but they are.

There was a time when I chose to only allow a few select people become close to me.  I was always a wallflower; a shy little thing who, when I was a child, was so scared of men that I would cry and run away if the opportunity presented itself.  One summer I even locked myself in a caravan because a man was taking a family photograph.  I never liked being the centre of attention, even on my wedding day, and I preferred my own company than that of others.  Looking back now I realise it was shyness and insecurity that made me feel that way.  Self preservation.

Now?  I'm fine with my own company, but it gets a bit old when that's all you have most of the time.  I love to be with people now, and I adore my new friends.  I can't remember ever being greeted with so many hugs, but now it's becoming the norm.  So much so, that I greeted an old friend with a hug today who obviously wasn't expecting it, and it was only afterwards it occurred to me that I probably haven't done that before.  Not with her.

I can't remember the last time I received so many birthday cards, and at times from unexpected places!  This year someone made me a birthday pavlova (because no one still dare make me a birthday cake!), and I can't remember the last time someone did anything like that for me.  It might have even been mum back in my teens.  I can't remember being so enthusiastic about making plans with such a large number of people at one time, and now I just soak it all up and enjoy the laughs and atmosphere, and revel in the new memories we're making together.

There are so many people I could thank for helping me to wake up, and for making sure my eyes remain open, but the list is too long and I'll forget someone.  You know who you are, you really, really do.  But for this wonderful bank holiday weekend there's a picnic with fabulous music, pies, ale and great company to thank, and there's a Summer Show where people gathered to attempt world records.  Both of the above are nothing without the people.  They came together and had fun, showed support and respect for each other, cheered each other on, swung each other round to a manic fiddler, and drove each other home, making sure they were safely in the door before driving away.  Because that's what we do.

Stockton on Tees does have record breakers but the achievements are immeasurable; enthusiasm, support, laughter and a desire to improve and enrich their lives and those people around them in the most imaginative, positive ways.

Right now my whole body hurts.  Each time I stand up it complains at me and tries to make me promise not to put it through this again, but I refuse to make promises I can't keep.  Physical pain passes; joy, laughter and an overwhelming feeling of belonging will stay with me so much longer.

I feel as though Stockton is trying to adopt me, and quite honestly I'm struggling to find reasons not to sign the paperwork.

Wildcats Picnic @ Preston Park

P.S.

While writing this post I discovered that a person who won a prize during the world record attempts today has donated it to a local charity. Generosity is most certainly added to the list of positives in and around Stockton on Tees. There are many unsung heroes out there who do their bit when they can to make others smile, and I salute every last one of you!

Kindness costs nothing

Having had a few down days recently I started to think about ‘niceness’ and how it affects us personally, both for the giver and the receiver.  I had a few moments recently when I’d uncharacteristically snapped at people at work, with various legitimate reasons behind them I might add, but nevertheless the frustration and anger were misdirected.  It gave me no joy to do or say what I did either at the time or looking back on it now.   But we’re all human, right?  None of us are beyond making mistakes, and every emotion we feel is valid to us in that moment, regardless of whether or not the spectator agrees.

What we don’t often consider is that every emotion we feel is capable of being manipulated to such a degree that before we know it, we’ve gone from feeling full of sorrow to enthusiastic about life, and we can do this to ourselves as well as others.  We often try to help a friend in need, and even if we don’t know what to say for those words of comfort, just being there with a smile and a hug can be enough to improve someone’s outlook on a situation that’s getting them down.  We do this instinctively for friends and family, and yet we don’t do it for ourselves.

Being ‘nice’ can be difficult sometimes, especially on those days when we don’t feel quite ourselves.  I’ve been known to force myself to smile and be gracious at supermarket checkouts when all I really wanted to do was snatch my receipt and growl.  It’s not easy but it’s worthwhile making the effort, because even if it feels physically painful to do it (and sometimes it does!), it still makes the other person feel a little better about their own day and their own problems. It may even just make them feel better to realise that through gritted teeth you made an effort for them; a complete stranger, when the previous twelve people didn’t give a rat’s backside.

It’s the smallest of gestures that make the biggest differences to our lives.  Some people think that being nice or generous involves huge acts, lots of money, gifts and elaborate surprises.  Well, not for me. The single, most memorable gesture was from one complete stranger who made my day, and I’ve never, ever forgotten it…

It was my second ever trip to London on my own, and having stepped off the train at Kings Cross my first thought was to find a bathroom!  I already knew where it was, and I already knew that I needed change.  It was only when I looked in my purse that I realised the smallest change I had was £1.  I turned and saw that the machine to give change was out of order.  I took a deep breath, put on a big smile and asked a lady who was approaching the barriers for the toilets whether she could change my pound.  She couldn’t.  She did, however, have enough to just give me the change I needed.  I tried to give her the £1 coin anyway but she refused to take it.

All it took for me to have my faith restored in the kindness of human beings was a smile and 30p.  I never knew her name and I can’t remember her face, but I’ve never forgotten that one small gesture from one kind person in a big, cold city.  The smallest of gestures really do make a big difference.

I was talking with a friend a few weeks ago, and he told me the story of his journeys to work. He always walks to work (a local college), and he quickly realised that he often passed the same people day after day, and they usually just looked like they were aiming to get through their mornings with the least possible disruption.  Understandable, but they were also doing that without a glimmer of joy; trudging along, just waiting for the weekend to arrive.

So he made the decision to smile and say good morning to every person he passed on his walk to work, and this is what he discovered:

Day 1 – People initially looked startled, and they quickly muttered a begrudged return greeting while looking uncomfortable

Day 2 – People saw him approach and were prepared, just in case.  They made a little more effort to say good morning, at least sounding less scared and a little friendlier

Day 3 – People saw him approach and attempted to get their greeting in first, giving a cheery good morning and a nice smile

After a while of doing this; weeks, months, I’m really not sure how long it took, he realised that a small community had formed.  People at the college who didn’t normally communicate with each other were talking about their families, holidays, and so on, with added speculation about who this man was; the man who talks to people and smiles when he doesn’t know them.  They concluded that he’s a nice guy, but perhaps a bit odd because of this unusual interaction with strangers.

His actions had led to people communicating with each other in a way that even he hadn’t expected.  All he did was smile and say good morning to each person he passed, but it was enough to make them open themselves back up to the world and face their days with an extra little bit of joy, amusement and expectation.

It really doesn't take much other than a little effort to make a positive difference to someone's day.   What you perhaps may not have considered is that not only does it make other people a little happier, but it can have the same affect on the person doing that small good deed or act of kindness.  I took a walk along the promenade before work one day, and with my friend's words in mind I smiled at more and more people as we passed each other.  I'm confident that most of those people wouldn't have smiled first, but they returned them without hesitation.  One lady gave me a big, beaming smile and as I passed I chuckled to myself, partly because I didn't expect to see such joy on anyone's face before 7 am on a weekday, but there it was and it lifted me right up!

Now, I'm not saying that we should live our whole days trying to make others feel better about themselves and their lives, I'm only saying it would be nice to even just try to be nicer towards one person each day.  It might be a big, beaming smile.  Perhaps an anonymous little gift (I've been known to send chocolate bars to colleagues through internal mail).  Maybe even, after collecting your car parking ticket, putting enough in the machine for the next person to get free parking.

There are so many things we can do and they don't need to cost a penny.  Sometimes it just takes a little imagination, other times it just takes a kind word and a smile.  Tomorrow, why not try complimenting a stranger?  You could hold a door open for an extra beat or two for another person to come through.  Why not hold back from driving bumper to bumper in heavy traffic, and actually let someone out who's been sat waiting at a junction for the last five minutes?

These things will make you feel better.  They really will.  Consider too that the person for whom you've just done or said something nice is more likely to pass that on to someone else, all because someone unexpectedly made them feel valued.

We all have our bad days, of course we do, but we can turn them around into okay days, or even good days, just by being a little nicer and opening ourselves up to others.

Communities don't thrive on misery, negativity and selfishness, they thrive on kindness, support and a sense of belonging.  If you can help to foster positive relationships amongst a community, however large or small it may be, why wouldn't you?

I heard it reported recently that as a nation we're the happiest we've been for decades.

Let's prove it.